Monday, June 3, 2013

Stranded in Antarctica!!

This is my edited version of my writing in Antarctica!

"We have now landed in Antarctica Dr Jake” said the FA crew. Dr Jake was so excited to explore the cold land, as they made “their way out of the plane, Dr noticed a large amount of frozen mountains. “Its pretty hard to keep warm here” he said to one of his colleagues “But it sure is a amazing piece of land” he cried out.

Glazing at the Seals eating their prey and Penguins swimming along the freezing waters, he noticed that the private plane he came in, has suddenly disappeared as well as the FA crew.  “ Where have my people gone” he said to himself

Screaming and Yelling “HELP, HELP” he started getting afraid, “uhhh” “hello” “anyone out there” he gulped, ‘ROAA’ went his stomach,  “I need food” he said in the dying way!  Spreading his blanket across the freezing ice, he knew for sure that he was going to be there for a long time.

As the day went by, there was still no one coming for him “HELP I’m starving” he cried out. Laying down on the little blanket, he heard a helicopter. "This is my chance to save myself" he mumbled.

Grabbing, his only jacket, he waved it in the air, “HELP” he yelled out! “HELP”, Knowing the the helicopter was louder than him he still yelled for help, “HELP” he said once again, but with just a blink of his eye the helicopter was gone.

So he sat back down and gazed at his toes, “Look at my toe” “it getting purple” he said, Once again Dr layed back down and closed his eyes. Then, suddenly he heard a voice “Dr, Dr” it yelled, “could it be” he said “is it Roger, Roger my colleague”

“Yes, Yes” “Its me Roger” the voice said, as soon as he heard the word Roger, he got right up, looking around, he noticed Roger, “ROGGGGEEEER” he yelled. But while he was calling out for him he noticed a plane, “Hey that’s the Plane I came in” he mumbled.

As Roger tured back, he ran to doctor and told him that they have been waiting for him in the plane “huuu” “So your saying that the plane was there all along”? “Yes doctor” said Roger!

This is a link to the first version of this story.


  1. Great job Lesieli, I am very impressed that you went back and improved your writing like we discussed. Good on you.

  2. Well done Lesieli - it is very impressive to see the difference between the first post and the second version. You can do it! You can become a great writer who recrafts your writing - with a little bit of help from your friends.

    Keep it up

    Mrs Burt

  3. Hello, Mrs Burt and Mr Marks,
    First of all thanks for the lovely Comments. These comments, are really helping me, Thanks, I am just hoping to get, my writing a bit better then this. My mum also noticed that, it was a huge huge difference between my first story and second one!!!