Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Cargo Net.

Adding Detail
Make the following writing more effective by creating more complex sentences, adding adverbial phrases and adjectives, adding more interesting vocab including interesting beginnings.

Never in my life had I faced such a difficult challenge. I stood in front of the cargo net I felt hot.. I would never be ready for this.

It was Physical Education and there was lots of equipment around. The net was something we all had to do and I needed to at least try to climb it. I was not a good climber, and never had been. I wanted to turn away. But I grabbed the net in my hands  and began to climb. I said words to encourage myself as I went. I was worried that I might get a rope burn or splinters.  I tried not to think about feeling scared of heights. I went more slowly the longer I climbed.
I stopped altogether. I felt weak and there was still so far to climb.

I called to the teacher that I was finished. I lowered myself down. I was thinking that I had tried my best. I still most likely cannot climb the  cargo net. But I was pleased I had tried.


I had never faced a difficult challenge in my life. I stood in front of the cargo net blistering with sweat. I was petrified “I would never be ready for this adventure” I muttered to myself.

It was Physical Education and there was a quantity of equipment. Net was an activity that we all had to do, at least to try and escalate up it. I wanted to turn away. I clutched my hand on the net, and began to mount. “I can do it” I said to myself as I went. I looked at my hands, worried. I’m going to get rope burn, and Splinters! I considered not to think about heights.

Longer I climbed, the more slowly I went. I clutched my feet on the net. I was exhausted, I looked up there was still far to climb. I looked down, seeing all my classmates cheering me on. But there was no way I was going to finish this course.

No sense of achievement I called to the teacher. “I’m Finished Sir”. I was lowered down. I tried my best but the cargo net taunted me.

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